soul eater comedy club
by greyvss
Summary: welcome to the soul eater comedy club! a collection of random, funny one shots. read and review. have a laugh everybody!
1. odd graffiti

Soul eater comedy club

**HI. HELLO. WASSUP? Welcome to the soul eater comedy club. Here all of your favorite soul eater characters will perform all sorts of crazy or funny scenes. So I want ideas from all of you! Just come up with a scene you want to see and get it to me. I'll do my best to make these as funny as possible. Note that this is kinda like the game scenes from a hat in a way. So any way let me give a quick example.**

Odd graffiti in the DWMA bathrooms:

spirit was walking down the hallways of the DWMA, as usual, looking for maka. But as he was walking he realized nature was calling, so he quickly went into one of the many bathrooms around the school. He stepped into the stall then quickly sat down. As he was, um, _re-leaving_ himself he noticed something written on the wall. It looked like one of those stupid so and so was here. But as he looked at it more closely something seemed a little off. He read it aloud just to himself, still wondering if he was reading it right.

"stein is... Still here?!"

Spirit looked up to see the demented scientist, sutured to the ceiling. He was looking down at him with a "i'm going to dissect you" grin on his face.

"hello spirit..." stein said.

Spirit did the one thing that made sense to him at the time. He ran out of the bathroom with his pants, but thankfully not his boxers, hanging around his legs. All the while screaming like a woman out of a horror film.

**And that's a wrap! Hope you all liked this first little comedy scene. So anyway please give me your suggestions! Buh bye now.**


	2. WHAT THE HELL

Soul eater comedy club 2

**I am back on the air people! So anyway this next scene was suggested by little snuggle. How ever I did add in my own little randomness twist. I do not own soul eater... and enjoy!**

_Oh my god_, maka thought, _we're late!_ She had never been late before, not once! Even when she was being attacked by a pack of hyper chihuahuas she wasn't late! Note to self: avoid wearing a shirt that got steak sauce spilled on it. I continued to run down the hallways, dragging soul behind me like an anchor. _We're gonna make it, I mean we're only a few minutes minutes late._ That's when she suddenly ran into another pack of chihuahuas. They all stared at her licking their chops.

"um... bye!" maka blurted turning and running, still dragging soul behind her as the chihuahuas gave chase.

They were all getting very close for comfort, some of them biting at souls shoes. Because maka was still dragging him he couldn't get up and run. So he did the only thing he could do.

"faster, faster, faster would be better!" soul shouted as one chihuahua succeeded in digging it's teeth into his foot.

"ai chihuahua!" soul screeched kicking off the small dog.

After they finally lost the dogs they once again made their towards the school. _It's okay, we'll only be ten minutes late_. That's when, for reasons still unknown, a massive parade began to march right across their path, blocking them.

"oh come on!" maka bellowed, looking ready to tear her hair out.

It was yet another ten minutes before the parade had finally marched pass. She took little time in yanking soul off his feet as she went warp six for the academy. Little did she know that they had recently waxed the top of the stairs at the academy. She charged up the stairs at a break neck speed, then hit the slippery steps.

"no! Not again!" maka bellowed as she went careening down the stairs, all the way to the bottom.

After another few minutes they got up and slowly made their way to the class. When they finally got there they were thirty minutes late, and maka was nearing her breaking point. That's when she heard crona crying for help inside. She quickly burst through to find him strapped to a dissection table, stein leaning over him scalpels in hand. Yep, she snapped.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" maka screamed.

It was said that that was the only day that doctor franken stein had ever run scared from one of his students. Never mess with maka albarn on a bad day.

**And scene! Hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it! So until next time. And be sure to send me your suggestions! Buh bye now.**


	3. crona's a millionaire

Soul eater comedy club 3

**HEYA! HIYA! HELLO! Welcome back everybody! I have another little piece of comedy for you today. This scene was also suggested by little snuggle, and I of course have added my own little twist. I do not own soul eater. Aaannd action!**

"how the hell did we get here?" maka asked as she and her friends suddenly appeared in a large room. A boy of about sixteen was sitting behind a desk typing away.

"because I typed that you did." he said.

"who the heck are you?" soul asked.

"well since this a story seen by plenty of people, I think i'll just call my self greyv. Now then welcome to my, well actually not my home I'm borrowing it." at that moment a man fell out of a closet with an ax in his head.

He quickly got up and shoved the body back inside and shut the door.

"forget that you saw that."

"oh great! Not another evil host!" maka groaned.

"now then we're going to play nice little game of truth or dare," he said, the entire cast just groaned, not again!

"and to help me host this meet my two oc co-hosts scythe and jezebel."

At that moment two people walked in. one of them was a tall young man. He had red-brown hair spiked up in all direction, and dark grey eyes. The other was a girl that was somewhat shorter than him. She had deep ebony hair and emerald green eyes.

"hello." scythe said flatly, his dark grey eyes ice cold.

"hi!" jezebel said.

Greyv then turned and faced the audience.

"if anyone wonders why my own oc is acting so ooc. Well it's because if she did have her original personality then we would be here all day when she would give one of the dares. So I gave her a little confidence booster."

"what sort of confidence booster?"

Stows syringe in pocket, "nothing..."

Scythe just raises an eyebrow then just sighs.

"lets just get on with it."

"okay I have an entire list right here." pulls out a list ten feet long.

"but since this is a short story," tears off a few feet, "so we're only going to do this much. Scythe if you please."

"alright the first one is for maka. Maka, you're going to be taking the place of bella in the entire twilight saga." scythe said.

"no way in hell am I doing that!" maka shouted.

Greyv then walks over to his key board and holds his fingers over the keys.

"do we really have to go through this?"

"i'm not doing it!"

"you asked for it." *type*

Suddenly two massive tree like monsters appeared and grabbed hold of maka's arms. They quickly started to drag her away.

"have fun!"

"what the heck were those?" jezebel asked.

"tree folk from my magic the gathering deck. They actually can be quite useful when I need them."

"alright my turn!" jezebel beamed grabbing the list.

"okay soul, your dare is to have an arm wrestling competition with arnold Schwarzenegger and chuck Norris at the same time. Oh yeah and it's a twenty round competition."

Soul became as pale as his hair as the two men walked up and dragged him off. Soon screaming and the sounds of breaking bone could be heard.

"owch! I'm actually a little sorry for giving him that one." greyv winced.

"alright now it's my turn. Okay this next one is for scythe. You're going to kiss jezebel and then do seven minutes in heaven."

Jezebel blushed brightly as scythe walked over, then swept her off her feet, and kissed her like it was the end of the world war. They then walked into a bedroom and closed the door behind them.

"i wonder who wrote that one..." greyv said reading the name next to the dare, he dropped the list in surprise.

"_jezebel wrote it?_" he squeeked as a moan echoed from the bedroom, making EVERYBODY blush.

"well- um...let's just move along. Tsubaki! You're next! You're going to let loose all that you've repressed right now! In other words that you've been hiding is coming out now."

"r-right n-now?" tsubaki stuttered blushing like crazy.

"yes now. Don't make me use my key board."

Tsubaki took a deep breath then, all hell broke loose. Tsubaki tackled black star, kissing him deeply. Black star tried to scramble away as tsubaki started to pull off his pants. But she quickly grabbed his feet and dragged him into another bedroom.

"oh...my...lord..."

"okay...let's move onto the next one. Let's see this one is for me. I'm supposed to go over to the other closet and... oh god please no!"

"what is it?" kid asked pulling the list out of his hands. "...oh no..."

Greyvs walked over to the closet and pulled out a key in the shape of a cats head.

"i have to release the army of blaire clones."

He slowly opened the door and out poured hundred of blairs, including a few of the male version! Soon the entire cast was red in the face and fleeing before the army of seduction.

"may all the gods on this earth have mercy on our souls!"

At that moment bolts of lightning rained down and fried all the blaire's except the original.

"thank you thor, zues, ra, jehova and any other god I can think of!"

"can we move on please?" soul asked as he walked in with two broken arms.

"okay. The next one is for soul."

"f&$%!"

"you're dare is to go into dino kids story and give the author a hug, while she is armed with her bazooka jerome."

"but my arms are broken!"

*type*

Souls arms mended themselves with a loud and sickening snap!

"now go and hug that other!" he said shoving soul off screen.

A few moments later a massive explosion rocked the entire room, soul went flying through the air trailing smoke.

"wow. That was cool! Okay on to the next dare!"

"can I do it?" jezebel asked from behind him.

"why is your shirt on back- you know what never mind. Waite minute how long were you in there?"

Jezebel just shrugged. "i don't know."

"well let me check my watch. Let's see you were in there for about..."

Greyv dropped the pocket watch in his hand, a look of utter shock on his face.

"_seven...hours?_" he moaned passing out.

"does this mean that we can stop now?" maka asked from off screen.

"no! We're still here so we're going to keep going!" jezebel said. "okay liz, you're going to watch all of the saw, nightmare on elm street, and friday the thirteenth movies."

Liz's reaction to the dare was fairly simple, she screamed and ran straight through a wall.

"okay i'm back." greyv said climbing to his feet.

"okay i'm doing the next one...oh god..._sigh_. PATTY, BLACK STAR, CRONA! Attention!"

"sir yes sir!" the three said appearing out of thin air.

"here, one ton each of sugar, chocolate and any other sweet I can think of. Now then if you'll excuse me, the hosts are going to...RUN LIKE HECK!"

instantly the greyv, scythe and jezebel were gone.

"why did they run...?" kid asked, he then glanced over to the three and went pale as a ghost.

All three of them were eating their sweets at light speed, even crona! As the last of the candy disappeared black star dashed through the wall, making a bee line for the DWMA. As he went he battled any person he came across, sending them flying with his soul wavelength. He finally busted down the door of the death room and before lord death could say anything he was tackled to the ground. For several minutes they tumbled around the death room. Black star shouting insults at ninety miles an hour. Finally lord death had enough and chopped black star into the laughing moon. Mean while a sugar hyper patty made a dash to steins laboratory. She knocked so fast that she bent the door clear out of its frame. Stein just raised an eyebrow at the practically vibrating patty.

"can I help you?" stein asked.

"iwantyouturnmeintoagiraffe!" patty shouted.

"what?"

"turn me into -beep- giraffe!"

Stein was practically beaming as he strapped patty down on his dissection table. A few minutes later a small giraffe was dashing down the street, giggling like a maniac. Yes, patty was now a giraffe.

Meanwhile crona was in a vegas casino, playing poker, and winning. He quickly won as he had already done about thirty times already! He was dashing from casino to casino cleaning them out in seconds. Soon crona was the one of the richest people on the planet. All the while the three hosts were standing outside death city, looking on in horror.

"what have I done...?" greyv asked.

"black star's a dead man..." jezebel said.

"patty's a giraffe..." scythe said stunned.

"and Crona's a millionaire."

"and i'm going to knock your block off!" someone shouted.

Greyv turned to see maka running straight for him. Uh oh.

"this." she went even faster.

"is." maka planted her foot in the ground and her fist went flying.

"SPARTA!" she yelled as she punched straight through his head, blowing it apart.

"oh my god! You killed greyv!" jezebel screamed, her _confidence_ boost wearing off.

That's when crona walked up wearing an expensive white italian suit and sunglasses.

"yeah she did, now...deal with it."

**And cut! Well that end this sp-**

**maka- SPARTA! *punches head off***

***pulls back on head* will you stop that?!**

**Now then, hope you all enjoyed this one, I had a lot of fun on this! So tune in next time for more crazy s-**

**maka- SPARTA! *punches of head _again_***


	4. I CANT DEAL WITH THIS!

Soul eater comedy club 4

**Wassup everybody? Since my last chapter didn't go over so well (note to self: never do a truth or dare fic again). So this is yet another scene from little snuggle, though I will try to do a better, less random, job on it. I do not own soul eater. Aaannd action!**

It had been only a few weeks since the Kishin had been destroyed, and Crona was just getting moved in to her new apartment.

"come on Crona, you'll be fine." Maka said pushing Crona inside, who was currently in the fetal position.

"But I don't know how to deal with living alone!" Crona whimpered.

"HEY! I'm still here you know!" Ragnarok barked emerging from Crona's back.

Unfortunately when Crona was brought back from the brink, Ragnarok came back with her, although he was a little different.

"please go away Ragnarok." she whimpered.

"_okay_..." Ragnarok grumbled going back into her back.

Maka still couldn't get used to how Ragnarok acted now, he actually LISTENED to Crona. Maka pushed her all the way into the living room, she still refused to look up.

"Crona look at me."

After a moment crona looked up into her best friends eyes.

"come on, i'll stay with you for a little while." Maka said sitting down onto the couch behind her.

Crona slowly sat down next to her as Maka picked up the remote. She turned on the TV in front of them and the word netflix flashed across the screen.

"what are you doing Maka?"

"just trying to find something for us to watch." Maka said flicking through menu's, she finally stopped at one particular one.

"um...Maka...what's anime?"

"oh it's like a cartoon Crona. Here let me show you." she said selecting a show titled Naruto.

Crona was a little scared at first cause of all of the action. But she actually started to like it.

"secret finger juitsu!" a man on the tv screen said.

Crona actually burst out laughing at the result of the move. After a while Maka went home, but Crona just kept watching on into the night. Over the next few days she became a serious fan, watching all sorts of shows. Though Zero No Tsukaima was her favorite of them all. Though one day she was scrolling through the list of shows when she saw one that caught her interest.

"soul eater? Hmm...i haven't watched that one yet..." she said starting up the first episode.

"_a sound soul...dwells within a sound mind and a sound body..._" the screen said.

_Wait...haven't I heard that before_, she thought. That's when Maka and soul came on the screen, Crona's jaw dropping to the floor.

"Maka?!"

Crona was completely confused, how could Maka be on the screen? She just continued to watch as they began to go after blaire. However the bath tub scene made Crona blush all kinds of red, she quickly covered her face with a pillow, waiting for it to be over. But she kept watching, unable to turn it off. Though the plenty of the prologue kept making her blush again. However when when the episode with excalibur came on, she nearly put Ragnarok through the TV. Then came the episode where she came in, she was even more speechless as she watched herself beat up Maka. She felt about ready to go into mr. corner again as the episode ended. She continued on, actually hiding behind the coach when ever medusa came on the screen. But when the episode with hiro AND excalibur came on, she did the only sane thing. She put ragnarok through the screen, then just watched it arc and spark for a few hours.

Afterwards she got up made a sandwich and wondered what she was going to do now. _Hmm...i think i'll watch my favorite anime for a little while._ Then she remembered that she put a sword through the TV, and her response was very simple, though very out of character.

"F$# !" she shouted to high heaven, causing a severe accident outside her apartment involving Maka, a giraffe, a computer and lots and lots of bacon. Yep, never deprive Crona of her anime.

**And that's a wrap everybody! Hope you all enjoyed it.**

**Crona: *sobs in corner***

_**sigh**_**...okay here. *hands her computer***

**crona: yeah! ^.^ *commences fan girling***

**well tune in next time to-**

**crona: I LOVE YOU SAITO!**

…**please read and review…wow…**


	5. Halloween

Soul eater comedy club 5

**Welcome back every body! This story was suggested by little snuggle, though i have made a few changes. This is a gender bend story peoples! I do not own soul eater. Enjoy.**

It's halloween in death city and trouble is brewing in the air. Maka was walking down the street, wearing his usual suit and white gloves. His short spikey ashblond hair ruffling in the breeze. He made his way over to Blackstar and Tsubaki's apartment, he carefully knocked on the door. Tsubaki opened the door, wearing a white tank top and black slacks, his black hair tied behind his head.

"Hey Tsubaki, is are the rest of the guys inside?" Maka asked.

"Yeah Liz and Patty are already inside, Blackstar is out shopping with the girls." Tsubaki said, closing the door behind Maka as he walked inside.

Inside Liz and Patty were sitting around a table. Patty with his legs propped up on the table, his ski cap pulled over his eyes, arms crossed. Liz was leaning back in the chair, the light glinting off his ear rings.

"Hey guys." Maka said, waking Patty with a start.

"So is everything ready?"

"Yep, it took me some work. She got obsessed over that stupid painting again. But I finally got her to leave the house for that shopping trip. Tsubaki helped me and Patty set up everything in the gallows manor." Liz said, sitting up straight.

"So when the girls head back to the manor later tonight..."

"They're going to get scared stiff." Maka finished, a grin spreading across his face.

Sometime later that day.

"Come on Soul, the guys told us to meet them at gallows manor." Kid said picking up speed on her skate board.

"Hey, slow down!" Crona called chasing after the others, meanwhile Blackstar was nowhere to be seen.

Not a single light in the manor was on when the girls got their, for all intents and purposes the manor looked like a haunted house. Tentatively Kid walked up to the door first, knocking on it eight times. No one answered inside.

"I guess the guys aren't here yet." Soul sighed, sweeping her long white hair behind her ear.

"Hang on, let me just get my key." Kid said, pulling out a skull shaped key.

"A skeleton key? seriously?"

"It's perfectly symmetrical." she said with a shrug.

She easily opened the giant door with only a light push. She stepped inside and flipped the light switch, the lights above flickered but remained dark.

"Hmm. Come on guys."

The rest of the girls headed inside, Crona hardly phased by the darkness.

"Why is it so dark in here?"

"I don't know...Hang on, I'm gonna go find a flash light." Kid said walking down a hallway.

* * *

Little did they know of the of group of boys watching them on a night vision camera. Liz was snickering in anticipation while Patty was, well, rolling on the floor laughing.

"Oh man i can't wait to see the looks on their faces!" he said, gasping for breath he was laughing so much.

"Maka chop!" Maka whispered, silencing Patty with one swift chop.

"What was that for?!" he hissed.

"Be quiet, they'll hear you!"

"guys, Kid's up first." Tsubaki said pointing at the screen.

Everyone quickly gathered around the monitor, Maka with the control in his hands. On screen Kid was fumbling around for a flashlight in the room that they had _preapred_ earlier.

"And let the fun begin..." he said flipping a switch.

* * *

Kid was getting a little annoyed, she's been fumbling around this stupid room for fifteen minutes and no flashlight! She heard an electronic whir and spun around in time to see the door she had come through slam shut.

"Hello? Who's there?" she asked, trying and failing to see in the pitch black room.

Then suddenly the lights blazed to life, she quickly wished that they had stayed off.

"It-IT'S SO ASYMMETRICAL!" she screamed.

And it was. Every inch of wall, ceiling, and floor was covered in either polka-dots or multicolored stripes! She frantically searched for a way out, even clawing at the walls. that's when something else started up.

"FOOL!" a disembodied voice yelled, making Kid's blood run cold.

"No...please god anything but him." she whispered, turning very pale.

"My legend began in the twelfth century..."

"NOOOOOO!"

* * *

Soul heard Kid scream from somewhere off in the distance.

"KID?" Soul called after her, but got no response.

Soul quickly told Crona to wait there while she went to go find Kid. She then turned and ran down the hall kid had gone down.

* * *

Meanwhile up in the boys hiding place, Liz and Patty were bust laughing at their meister complete freak out.

"Oh man, I'm dying here." Patty wheezed breathlessly as he tried to stop laughing.

"Okay soul's up next." Tsubaki said turning back to Maka.

"You're on buddy."

Maka tapped the mike at the side of his head once to make sure it was working, then he took a deep breath and flicked it on.

* * *

"_Soul..._" Maka's voice called from farther down the hall way.

"Maka?" she said, stopping in her tracks.

"_Soul...help me..._"

Without another moments thought, she ran towards the sound of her partners voice. She ran straight into a large room, Maka was nowhere in sight.

"Maka! Where are you?!" she shouted, but heard no answer.

She searched frantically in the dimly lit room for him, but he was nowhere to be found. That's when she saw the blood on the floor. A massive pool of blood was on the floor, the sight of it making her heart stop.  
_There's no way he could survive losing that much blood_. She thought, her heart hammering at the thought of her meister and friend lying somewhere dead.

"MAKA?!" She screamed, feeling more helpless than ever, feeling absolute terror.

* * *

Maka quietly switched off the mike a soft chuckle escaping him.

"Okay, who's next?" Liz asked, holding back his own laughter.

"Okay next up is Blackstar. Let's see where she is." he said turning to the monitor, searching for the Blue-haired meister.

"Um...guys? Where's Blackstar?"

"What?" Tsubaki asked, suddenly looking nervous.

"She's not here."

"That's impossible! Guys you saw her go in didn't you?"

All of them suddenly realized that they hadn't seen Blackstar come in with rest of the girls.

"YAHOO!" cam the voice of Blackstar as she came crashing in through window.

"parties over guys, you didn't really expect to scare a big girl like me did you?" she said standing tall, hands on her hips.

Once again Tsubaki couldn't help but stare at his rather buxom meister, then it hit him.

"Wait, how did you..."

He turned and saw that Maka had disappeared. He then saw on the monitor that the lights were back on and the other girls were headed straight for this room.

"We should run right?" Patty asked, Blackstar simply nodding.

"Right...LATER!" Patty said as he turned and ran.

As he ran through the door and smacked, face first, into a rather familiar chest.

"HEY!" Kid yelled, soundly kicking Patty away from her.

She turned and glared at Liz, pure rage burning in her eyes.

"Um...Hi kid...eh he he. You guys get the joke right? Funny ha ha?" Liz said nervously, his voice climbing in pitch with each word.

"I have two words for you." she said, Liz was now pinned against the wall, his meister blocking off his only escape.

"_W-what?_" he asked meekly, very afraid of the black haired girl in front of him.

"REAPER CHOP!" she shouted as she karate chopped Liz's skull, knocking him out.

Meanwhile Soul had Tsubaki cornered, Soul's arm was changed into a scythe blade.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"Nothing." Soul said lowering her arm.

"Really?"

"Really." she said, a sigh of relief escaping the ninja weapon.

"Hey Blackstar, I think Tsubaki is a little lonely, how about you give her a big hug." she said turning and walking away.

"OH TSUBAKI! YOU COULD HAVE JUST ASKED!" Blackstar squealed, tackling him in a bone crushing hug, her chest pressing tightly up against him.

"B-Blackstar." Tsubaki stuttered as Blackstar pressed him tighter into her chest, making him feel about ready to faint.

"I"LL NEVER LET GO OF YOU TSUBAKI!"

And that is when the ninja weapon finally lost consciousness, his tall frame falling to the floor with a loud crash.


	6. Maka says gulp!

Soul eater comedy club 6

**Wassup? Welcome back everybody. Now in the last chapter I kinda left one part untouched. So now we get to learn what happened to the male Maka! Read and review, I do not own soul eater, and enjoy everybody!**

Maka sighed as he made his way home. He smiled as he remembered the looks of absolute terror on the guy's faces. _Did they really think I would keep my mouth shut about that?_ Maka thought to himself as he walked up to his apartment. When he walked in he was surprised to find Crona waiting for him inside, a strange smirk on her face.

"Hey Crona, when did you get in here?" Maka asked walking towards the kitchen.

He felt Crona grab his arm, she quickly spun him around to face her, the smirk never wavering.

"I got here after I left your little house of horrors Maka."

"W-what do you mean _my_ house of horrors?" Maka asked nervously.

"Come on, did you think I wouldn't recognize your handy work? I know you were there with others, I know you tried to scare us."

"N-not you though c-crona…" he stammered.

"I know that," she mused as she walked into his room.

"but don't think you won't get punished for it."

Crona stepped out of his room, a riding crop in her hand, and stern look on her face.

"c-crona? What are you?"

"_Saito…_" she growled.

The word made Maka's heart stop cold. _Saito? She only calls me that when she…oh god no!_ She lunged forward, riding crop raised high over her head.

"YOU DOG!" she cried swinging it down.

**Aaannd that's a wrap! Hope you enjoyed this little Halloween- uh oh.**

**Um hey girls…um you're not still mad are you…?**

**Soul, Blackstar and Kid: Get him!**

**Augh! No please have mercy?! Argh- *drops out of view***

**Blackstar: thanks for reading!**

**Kid: so review and come back next time for more soul eater.**

**Soul: See ya!**


	7. I am Tsubaki, hear me roar!

Soul eater comedy club 7

**Welcome back to the comedy club everybody! So I do not own soul eater, please read, review and suggest ideas! Enjoy!**

Blackstar yawned as he walked out of his bedroom to find a very odd sight. In the living room of their apartment was Tsubaki, playing video games? Blackstar rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. There was Tsubaki, calm, caring Tsubaki sitting on the couch playing what looked like Halo 4. Okay now he was sure he was dreaming, with a yawn he walked over to Tsubaki, who remained focused as ever on the screen.

"Tsubaki? Hey Tsubaki!" he said, being sure not to block her view.

"Yeah Blackstar?" she said, not taking her attention off the screen.

"Is that Halo 4?" he asked sitting down next to her.

"Yeah."

"How did you get it? It's not even released yet, I mean not even a god like me could get it."

"I know one of the programmers. They sent me a copy, thought I'd like it."

"Cool. Hey so what does this do?" he said pressing a button on the controller.

On screen Tsubaki's character was suddenly blasted to pieces by a promethean knight, and then the screen blanked out. He could literally feel the temperature in the room drop; Tsubaki didn't say a word as she looked down at the controller in her hand.

"Um…Tsubaki…?" Blackstar asked meekly, her silence making him very, very nervous.

"Blackstar…" she growled, the controller cracking in her grip as she turned on him.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET THERE?!" she yelled at him.

Without thinking, she grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him forward. He collided, face first, with the television; the screen cracking and fizzing with impact. Tsubaki's jaw dropped as she realized what she had just done.

"F&$%!" she slumping to the ground.

"_No…no, no, no…please…I need my Halo…_" she sobbed from her place on the floor.

Blackstar just watched as his weapon continued to mourn the loss of her favorite video game. The next day Blackstar leaped out of bed and proceeded to do his usual early morning workout. Tsubaki didn't even move from her place in the same bed. After he finished his workout he proceeded to try and roust his weapon partner.

"Tsubaki…" he whispered in her ear, receiving a growl in response.

"Come on Tsubaki it's seven in the morning, you need to get up."

"_Go away…_" she grumbled, burying her face in her pillow.

"Fine then I guess I'm carrying you." He said reaching for her.

He was knocked right off his feet as, the normally shy ninja weapon, socked him right in the jaw.

"I said, go away." She snarled, slipping back under the covers.

Blackstar quickly turned and walked out of the room, his head still spinning from the blow to his head. Without a word he left the apartment and proceeded to head to Chupacabra.

It had been a fairly slow day at the bar; Blair had her head in her hand as she continued to wait for a customer to walk in. That's when she saw none other than Blackstar enter the bar. He didn't quite seem like himself, he was quiet and stumbled slightly, every so often rubbing a bruise on his jaw.

"Nya! Has Blackstar come to play with me?" Blair asked as he sat down.

"Where's Tsubaki?"

"She's mad at me, so I came here. Not sure why though…" he said thoughtfully, his speech ever so slightly slurred.

"Hey..Blair?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you teach me to be like you? I really want to knock Tsubaki off her feet."

Still a little confused by how he was acting, she agreed to teach blackstar the art of seduction. It had taken several hours, with several lessons that should not be mentioned to any but the most mature adult. Yet he took it all in stride and was soon heading back to his apartment, a new type of confidence hanging about him. However he did make one stop first.

Tsubaki grumbled to herself as she heard the front door open, she really didn't want to deal with him right now. From the sounds she figured he was carrying something, for several minutes she heard a him moving around outside the door. After several minutes she heard him walking towards the door. As the door opened she spun around, expecting to see the same arrogant, agitating-

"Hey tsubaki." Blackstar said, his voice highly seductive.

Tsubaki was rendered speechless by his appearance. There was no denying that it was the dark assassin in front of her, but there was definetly something different. He had slightly longer, narrower pants; he was wearing a black tank top that was a little small on him, the fabric drawn tight over his upper body. His attire left very little of of him to the imagination. To top it all off he had a rose in his hand, all in all the sight was a real knock out.

"Blackstar? W-what are you doing?" Tsubaki stammered as he walked over and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me Tsubaki," he said huskily, making her breath catch in her throat.

"But first I think I should make up for yesterday."

Blackstar guided her out of the bedroom, the sight in the living room made Tsubaki's heart soar. In the living room was a complete home entertainment system, an hd wide screen TV, a surround sound system and a new couch that seemed to be calling to her.

"So does this make up for it?" he asked, his voice had a humble sense to it, which yet again sent her mind reeling.

"Blackstar...i-i don't know what to say..." giving him a light peck on the cheek before leaping onto the couch and snatching up a controller.

"let's play!"

You could swear than where was an actual tear in her eye as she started up the game. Blackstar quickly made his way over to the couch. The second he got there, his legs buckled and he slumped onto the couch. He had completely lost consciousness, getting a concussion from Tsubaki tends to do that to people. After checking that he was just asleep and not in a coma, she quickly turned her attention to the game on the screen. It seems that nothing can get between her and her Halo, not even her unconscious meister.

**That wraps up this story every body. Wow this is a major record, two chapters in one day! So tune in next time for more hilarity, insanity and general soul eaterness. Review and suggest people!**

***crash*  
**

**Now if you'll excuse me Blackstar just passed out again. Bye.  
**


	8. Hang over

Soul Eater Comedy Club 8

**Wassup? Wassup? WASSUP? And we're back everybody! So this next chap was suggested by…**

**no one :P**

**I just felt like writing one that just popped into my head, I do not own soul eater. Now please read, suggest ideas for scenes, and enjoy!**

It was only one day after the kishin's defeat, and the entire soul eater gang was celebrating at the gallows manor. Everything was going fairly well until Liz decided to bring in the tequila.

"Alright everybody, we're playing never have I ever, got it?!" Liz ordered.

"Uh liz, maybe we should think about playing a different game?" Kid asked rather meekly.

"NO! Play. Game. Now!"

"Yeesh okay, okay, I guess I'll go first. Never have I ever kissed Kid!" Blackstar bellowed.

Liz just froze at the statement, then she hesitantly took a swig of tequila.

"I-I tripped and fell on him okay?!"

"Okay Maka, you're up."

"Why does it have to be me? Never have I ever drunk booze before." Maka said, a devious smirk crossing her face.

Liz, Kid, Soul and Tsubaki all groaned as they downed their drinks.

"hahaha! Me next! Me next! Okay, never have I ever spoke! Oh wait yes I have." Patty giggled, downing her drink.

_**Several rounds later**_

The gang was giggling and laughing, Soul, Blackstar, Kid and Maka were currently singing an irish drinking song about…each other?

"Maka's such a flat chest!" Soul chuckled.

"And kid's a symmetry freak." Blackstar added in.

"Soul is so gonna get chopped!" Kid sang hastily.

"MA, KA, CHOP!" Maka snickered, hurling the fairly heavy book at soul, knocking him out.

"Soul is kinda stupid." Kid sang.

"Yes he is indeed!"

"Maka's a real B#$% that way."

"MA, KA-"

"MEOW!" Patty shouted drunkily.

Everyone stopped and stared at the pistol, maka pausing mid chop. The three just turned back to each other and resumed their little ditty.

"I've lost track of the song."

"I think I know what's next."

"I was gonna CHOP YOUR BRAINS!"

"OH, CRAP, RUN!" Blackstar screamed, turning and running just as the book smacked into the back of his head.

At that moment Liz chose to come back into the room, carrying another bottle of tequila.

"Come and get it!" Liz said, only slightly buzzed in spite of the amount she had consumed already.

Everyone ran over, including Crona...When did he get here?

**_Thirty minutes_**_ **later**_

"HEY! WHO YOU CALLIN ASYMMETRICAL?!" Kid screamed...at his own reflection.

"Uh kid, that's your reflection." Liz said, futily trying to get her meister to stop shouting.

"YOU ALWAYS, ALWAYS," Kid started, suddenly rounding on Liz. "CALL ME ASYMMETRICAL!"

"WHAT? Me? But I-"

"YOU'RE ALWAYS JUST STANDING THERE LIKE AN IDIOT, WITH THAT STUPID SHARK TOOTHED SMIRK YOU JACKASS!"

_Shark toothed smirk...HUH?_ Liz thought to herself as Soul drunkinly wandered his way over.

"HEY WHO YOU CALLIN A JACKASS SYMMETRY BOY?!" Soul shouted...at Liz.

"SYMMETRY BOY?! WHAT ABOUT YOU OVERBITE?!"

"OVERBITE?! OH YOU ARE ASKIN FOR IT BONE BOY!"

Maka and Tsubaki grabbed Soul and Kid, turning them to face each other. They then guided a rather shell shocked Liz away from the shouting match. Soul and Kid just continued their little spat, shouting one stupid insult after another each other until...

"OKAY THAT'S IT!" they both shouted, each sending their fist flying to the others face.

The result was both of them knocking each other out entirely, leaving Maka to worry about Soul, Liz to worry about Kid, and Blackstar to be passed out on the floor next to Tsubaki and Patty. The currently drunk and passed out Patty made only one tiny remark.

"MEOW!"

**Aaand that's a wrap! Hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did writing it! So anyway please review and suggest scenes you want to see here. So please come back next time for more hilarity, insanity and-**

**Maka: MA, KA, CHOP!**

***on floor bleeding* _ow..._soul eaterness.**


	9. FOOL!

Soul eater comedy club 9

**Wassup? Wassup? WA~A~ASSUP?! Welcome back everybody! Okay so I do not own soul eater, duh. But anyway on with the story! This next scene was sent in by souleaterfangal123. So please read, suggest new scenes, and enjoy!**

"Maka, where the hell are we going?" Soul whined, his feet seriously sore from walking.

"Come on Soul, it's only another couple of miles to the cave." Maka said, not even tired.

"A COUPLE OF MILES?! That'll take hours!"

"You're the one who didn't want to take your bike out into the desert soul, not me."

"_Stupid flat chest…_" he grumbled, earning him a death glare from Maka as she reached for her text book.

* * *

An hour later, Soul running from Maka most of the way, they reached a very familiar cave. Soul ran inside, still staying ahead of the homicidal blond chasing him.

"MAKA STOP! WE'RE HERE ALREADY! WE'RE—" he was cut off as the book slammed into the back of his head, sending him flying into the pool of water ahead of him.

A few bubbles escaped to the surface as he sank beneath the water, obviously unconscious.

"Soul come on, it isn't funny." Maka said, leaping down into the pool.

"_gurgle…_"

"Soul? Oh death Soul?!" she blurted as she dragged him up out of the water, the weapon now coughing and sputtering.

"What the hell Maka?! You could have killed me!" Soul choked out, coughing up some water as he spoke.

"it's your fault for insulting me." Maka pouted, crossing her arms.

"my fault?!"

"yes your fault! Now come on, we have to complete this mission for lord death."

The two of them continued on through the cave, passing a few fairies along the way, but they were too bust arguing to notice. They finally made it to a large chamber, a medieval sword at its center.

"why does this look so familiar?"

"hmm…you're right Soul, this does look familiar, but why…?"

That's when they heard it, the unmistakable voice of…HIM!

"FOOLS!" A booming voice called, making them both nearly jump out of their skin.

They both turned to see a small bird like man with a top hat appear in front of them, waving his cane in their faces.

"oh no…" Soul groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"FOOLS! I am—"

"Excalibur, we know." Soul and Maka dead panned.

"FOOLS! I am Excalibur, the sword of legend! Tell me, do you know of my legend?"

"look man, lord death wants you to come with us so—" Soul was cut off by Excalibur's cane hitting him in a rather painful spot.

"_ow…_" Soul squeaked, falling into the water again.

"_sigh_, Excalibur, lord death requests-"

"FOOL!"

"Excalibur, lord death-"

"FOOL!"

"Lord death-"

"FOOL!"

"Lord-"

"FOOL!"

"Lor-"

"FOOL!"

"CAN I JUST FINISH A F #$%ING SENTENCE?!" Maka screamed at him, hell fire now burning in her eyes.

"just one last thing." Excalibur said, leaning in close and whispering too low for Maka to hear.

"what?" she said leaning in close.

"FOOOOOOLLLLL!" Excalibur called right in her ear.

"why you-you-you….ARGH! DIE YOU STUPID SONE OF A B #$$! MAKA CHOP!" she screamed, swinging her text book at the weapon, who promptly ducked.

Maka started to chase him around the entire cave, now wielding two very heavy looking books in her hand.

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" she shouted chasing him vertically up a wall.

"FOOL! FOOL! FOOL! FOOL!" Excalibur chuckled, leaping away from her every swing.

The now completely homicidal scythe meister continued to chase the holy sword around the cave, defying gravity, physiscs, and general common sense. Meanwhile Soul was sitting watching them, eating popcorn.

"man this is totally cool!" he chuckled, devouring his popcorn.

"I'M GOING TO CHOP YOU INTO OBLIVION! YOU...YOU...BIRD-MAN...THING!"

"FOOL!"

**Aaand cut! Well I hope you enjoyed this chap everybody. And I hope this met your expectations ****souleaterfangal123**. So anyway everyone. Please review and suggest future scenes! Until next time everyone!


	10. FOOL! (part 2!)

Soul eater comedy club 10

**Wassup? Welcome everyone to part 2 of FOOL! This chapter was suggested by little snuggle. I don not own soul eater. Now please read, suggest new scenes, and enjoy!**

"FOOL!" Excalibur shouted in her face as she failed, for the umpteenth time, to chop him.

"GRR! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! SOUL, WEAPON FORM, NOW!" Maka screamed at the albino.

"Alright, alright, geez." Soul groaned, covering his ears before changing into his weapon form.

Maka swung straight for Excalibur head, but once again he leaped out of the way. She swung at him again, and this time he leaned back and out of the way!

"Why. Won't. You. DIE?!" She screamed, swinging at him again.

He leaped over her, landing and spinning on his heel behind her.

"FOOLS! NO CAN DEFEAT ME! I AM THE HOLY SWORD EXCAL-"

"DIE!" She cried, spinning around and promptly lopped off the weapons head.

His body continued to spin for a second, then toppled to the ground. Meanwhile the iconic hat fell from his severed head, rolling over to rest at Maka's feet.

"You. You killed him..." Soul trailed off, taking a few steps back from his meister.

Maka was silent for a bit as she reached down and collected Excalibur's hat and cane, placing the hat one her head.

"VICTORY! AH HA HA HA!" She cackled, tossing the cane into the air happily.

"Um, but we were supposed to bring Excalibur to lord death." He dead panned, pointing to the two halves of the former holy sword.

"He never said he had to be alive. So let's just take him back to the death room. Now go ahead and pick up the pieces Soul."

Soul grumbled as he hefted the mutilated pieces of Excalibur's corpse.

"Onward fool!" Maka giggled, poking him in the back.

"This us gonna get old..." he grumbled as he started to lug the corpse all the way back to death city.

* * *

As they climbed the steps to the DWMA Soul's temper was wearing thin.

"Why are you singing that annoying song?!" He finally snapped at her.

"Because," Maka pouted, tilting the hat back. "It's a fun song. Now then...ahem...Excalibur! Excalibur! Excalibur! From united kingdom, I'm looking for him, I'm going to California!"

"Please make it stop..." he groaned, wishing he could cover his ears.

Instead she just continued her song, a tad louder thus time.

"EXCALIBUR! EXCALIBUR! I'M LOKING FOR HER, I'M GOING TO CALIFORNIA! Excalibur! Excalibur! Excalibur!"

"_Oh Gawd. Ple-he-ease stop!_" Soul sobbed, on the verge of actual tears.

"Excalibur! Excalibur!"

"AUGH!"

* * *

"Heya! Hiya! Howdy!" Lord death chuckled, but he was struck dumb by the sight of Soul Eater Evans, the self proclaimed cool-guy, lying on the floor, in the fetal position, sobbing.

"What happened to him...?" He trailed off as his gaze fell on the mutilated corpse of the holy sword.

Lord death sweat dropped at the sight, now thoroughly shaken.

"You...killed Excalibur...?" He said, his voice now completely failing him when he looked at Maka, who was busy drinking tea and happily spinning the former holy swords cane.

"Indeed we did! And what a legend that battle made! I believe it happened on a Wednesday, or was it a Tuesday? Ah yes, my legend began on Friday! The fool

sword was infinitely annoying! My temper finally being broken by his endless rambling!"

"But, Maka, I gave you this mission today! Monday!"

"FOOL! We then proceeded to build a book store using the bones of a giant yak. And that has inspired rule number 1033: never eat shellfish on Tuesday."

"What?! But That makes no sense! And today is Monday!" The grim reaper insisted, his voice strained.

"FOOL! LET ME FINISH MY TALE!" Maka shouted, chopping the reaper with an Excalibur book.

That...was THE last straw for the elder reaper.

"Will you..." he growled, his voice reverting to how it had been 800 years ago. "SHUT UP?! REAPER CHOP!"

He chopped straight down onto the unfortunate meister's noggin, knocking the hat from her head, and knocking her out. He then turned to the corpse, his voice returning to normal.

"You are a real son of a b#$& you know that?"

For a moment, the chamber was silent, save for the albino scythes sobbing. Then, the cane began to move, dragging across the ground into the Excalibur corpses' hand. The head then reattached itself to the bodies neck. Excalibur leaped up to a standing position, extending his hand towards his hat. Said hat flew up and over the unconscious meister and into hid waiting hand, where he promptly placed it on his head.

"You're just mad because you lost the bet. You bet that Maka would last ten minutes, she lasted five. So pay up!" Excalibur said, poking the reaper in the face with his cane.

"Fine...here!" Lord death grumbled, handing him a large sac of coins. "Liz and Tsubaki. Double or nothing, miss sweet and compromising will be slitting your throat in under five minutes."

"You're on." Excalibur said as he left the death room, heading back to his cave.

The reaper then went over to his desk, turning on a P.A. system.

"Get me Liz and Tsubaki, I have a VERY important mission for them..."

**And that's a wrap! And no, I will not be doing a chapter where Liz and Tsubaki meet Excalibur, got it? At least not yet. So anyway, come back next time for more hilarity, insanity, and**-

**Lord death: REAPER CHOP!**

**_ow...soul eaterness..._  
**


	11. wow

Soul eater comedy club 11

**Wassup? Wassup? WA~A~ASSUP?! Welcome back everyone! So this next chapter was sent in by none other than cjsylvester. So I do not own soul eater. Now please read, suggest new scenes, and enjoy!**

It had started like any other day in death city, Crona was off on a mission and the rest of the soul eater gang was at the gallows manor keeping track of the shy meisters progress.

"I still think we should have gone with him." Maka said, slightly annoyed at soul and lord death.

"She'll be fine Maka; Crona knows how to handle herself in a fight." Kid said absentmindedly.

Maka did a double take at what he said, _she?_

"Um…Kid…you said she."

"And your point is?"

"Crona's a boy."

At that Blackstar snorted and sat up, giving his usual idiotic smirk.

"There's no way that someone that girly is a guy. She has to be a girl!" Blackstar said, snickering at his friend's mistake.

"Guys it isn't cool to talk about peoples gender behind their backs." Soul said, sighing at the stupidity of the conversation. "Besides, Crona's a guy anyway."

"Thank you. See? Even Soul agrees with me." Maka retorted, smirking.

"Oh come on! She's obviously a girl!" Kid said, suddenly noticing a rather dumbstruck look on Blackstars face.

"Oh. My. Self." Blackstar muttered under his breath, his eyes going wide.

"What is it now Blackstar?" Maka sighed, getting a little annoyed at him.

"Maka likes Crona…"

"W-WHAT?!" she shouted, her face turning very red.

"And if Crona's a girl then…MAKA'S GAY?!" Blackstar shouted suddenly, resulting in Patty and Liz doing a double spit take; Tsubaki trying to hide a major nosebleed, and finally Soul and Kid falling out of their chairs.

"DUDE! What the heck?!" Soul shouted at the assassin.

"I'm not gay Blackstar…" Maka growled, a Maka chop now sounding incredibly appealing.

"What?"

"Dude, seriously, Crona's a guy." Soul said, honestly wishing this debate was over.

"No she's a girl!"

"GUY!"

"GIRL!"

"GUY!"

"GIRL!"

"GUY!"

"GUYS! I know for a fact that Crona is a guy." Maka stated, trying to contain her irritation.

"Oh yeah? Well how do you know?" Kid asked, seeming to be certain that she was wrong.

That was the last straw for the blond meister, her anger raising her voice to a, unfortunately, incredible volume.

"**BECAUSE I SLEPT WITH HIM YOU IDIOT!**" she shouted.

Everyone in the room was struck dumb by the outburst, Tsubaki's nosebleed only getting worse. However, when Patty's in the room silence doesn't last that long.

"HI LORD DEATH!" Patty giggled.

All of them turned to see the lord of death, looking completely shell shocked, holding a tray of cupcakes.

"I was wondering if anyone wanted cupcakes…" lord death trailed off before promptly turning around and walking out of the room. Kid finally broke out of his shock, giving a single comment.

"Wow…"

Meanwhile, a few miles away, Spirit Albarn was committed to death city memorial after having a heart attack induced by a severe and traumatic shock. Also know as finding out about his daughters love life.

**Aaannd cut! That's a wrap for this chapter everyone, hope you enjoyed it! Especially you cj since you suggested it. So tune in next time for more insanity, hilarity, and—**

**Excalibur: FOOLS!**

***chops Excalibur out of the way* ahem…soul eaterness.**


End file.
